i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
