another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
