I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
so much tequila, so little girl.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
