Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
