It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
