So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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