if you like me you must not know who I am
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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