Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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