wake up i wanna do it froggy style
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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