I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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