It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
