her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
