I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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