my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
