don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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