You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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