Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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