I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
