I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My feet surprised me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
