a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
false alarm, still single
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
