just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
