We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
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