Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
