something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
