I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
