I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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