I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
