no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
