accomplished twins. life is a go
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
