I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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