just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
