LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
