Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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