Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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