I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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