when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
