Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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