Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
