..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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