grandma shit on top of the toilet
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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