Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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