So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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