Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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