no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
