I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
