but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
