how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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