in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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