she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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