Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
