she looked like the bat from fern gully.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
