did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
