So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
