Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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