I'm so fucking centered right now
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Your cock deserves a montage
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
