Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
