the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
