He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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