Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
